This is just a typical year-end contemplation and new year’s goal setting, and of course for the writer herself (ME), my 2021 was special. I actually can’t find the exact adjective to describe it well, it’s a roller coaster ride continuation from the previous year (my fiance’s passing), there are many things that happened and things I had achieved even in the first year of grief, it’s special, it made me proud of myself but also the kind of special that I don’t want to repeat.
Maybe because it was so damn hard and painful, to rebuild dreams and life puzzles again by myself. I experienced the transition of grieving together with his family in South Africa to then have to face it alone in Bali when I came back. I guess I spent 70% of 2021 adjusting to being alone and now I’ve been okay with being a single fighter. What I mean by this is not about relationship status, but about having no one that understands the pain and to share it with, because my family and close friends do not live in Bali.
My 2021 was focused on healing and as you know, mending a broken heart is expensive. I spent crazy amount of money every month, as long as it could help to reduce the pain. I’m glad I did it and thankful that I had the resources to do it. I don’t regret all the financial spending I made, even those that look like mistakes, because I needed them at that time.
In the beginning of 2021, I finally moved to a bigger space, from just a studio room in a guesthouse, now I am staying in a fully-furnished two bedroom house, like a proper house with car garage, a small garden and a back balcony. The studio room I rented before did fit my situation at that time that always travelled here and there, but not anymore. Not only that I needed a bigger space, but a refresh from the memory we had. I am so happy with my house now, it’s just perfect in everything; the size, space, furnitures, design, location, price, etc. Many people that have seen my house online and real life will agree that it’s so cozy and yeah, it made me feel like a little princess, because I’m in control of the decor, just like me, my house has a character.
2021 marks the first year of my fiance’s passing and also my first year of doing standup comedy. I’ve done so many performances, I didn’t know why I was still doing comedy until one day I got my heart and trust broken, then I realized that there’s no point for me doing comedy if I’m not allowed to embrace my grief. So, I stepped back and I am actually grateful that the incident happened because otherwise I wouldn’t have completed, achieved and explored other things. Like me or hate me, I’m good at many things, for one year I put more focus and energy on comedy and it’s enough for now. I want to focus on my other skillsets that actually can help my main money-making skill. I know I’m talented, my sense of humor is not gonna leave me, I can come back anytime I want and I’m sure I still can nail it, coz every time I took a break, I always came back strong.
My mind and focus have shifted. My motivation for success has been restored again. I feel some kind of strong motivation when I got the news that Australia finally officially has welcomed international students again since 1 December 2021. I can’t describe the strength that it gave to me, like a wakeup call, like finally the goals are becoming more realistic and I have to reach them, make some plans and execute them. That day, things just got clearer and I don’t care about other things, I just want to be able to study in Australia.
I didn’t know that even during lockdown, the Australian immigration was still processing visa application, so now the ones entering Aussie are the applicants that were granted during the lockdown. But even if I had known that, I wouldn’t have been able to complete the application because I was totally crawling to live or work in the first year.
I’m glad that I also tried some other new things in 2021, like pole dance, roller skating, tennis and photography. All of them are already taking my mind and time that I dont have the time to date, not even interest, especially now. I prefer to just stay at home to study or work or practice when I don’t go to classes. I prefer spending time with friends than chatting/ going on dates. It’s just perfect since my tinder account got mysteriously deleted months ago and I haven’t been using/ on dating apps since then. I guess, until September 2021, I was still going for dates once in a while, after that I’m just not interested to try, moreover, I’m going to leave, so I don’t want to invest in relationship.
Recently, I’ve been getting back to photography and realized that I’m more into product photography. I think I just keep adding expensive hobbies to my list, lol. I want to hone my skillset in product photography and build my portfolio. My goal for 2022 is to get noticed by brands and get paid to shoot their products (my target for the second half of the year), I want to focus on beauty products. I’ve been practicing at home, and built my small photography corner, I’m also slowly collecting the gears to create better product photography. I haven’t published anything online because I am not very happy with the lightings that I have now (which is just a ring light and natural light), the photos are good but missing sharpness and sleekness.
If my 2021 was about healing, I want to make my 2022 about rising, getting back to the hustle, building dreams and improving skills. I think it’s already the time I want to shift from solo freelancing to being a remote employee, I want to work with a team. Everything happened at the right time, freelancing fit my situation at that time but now there’s a career path and income goals that I want to achieve. I have to get back and chase the gap I missed in the last two years since we got his cancer diagnosis.
My other goal this year is to get noticed and sponsored by Adobe. Like it or not, recognition is important in one’s career, and I know it for sure, there hasn’t been any Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop tutorial focusing on fashion design in Bahasa Indonesia. And to be honest, digital tutorial videos are much easier to make because mostly it’s screen recording.
Overall, I’m excited about 2022, I can’t wait to see what colours it may bring 🙂